Intention.

I had class last night - the last one of the summer - my acting class and it was amazing.  I did the work - put myself in this costume so I looked like the character - it was so much fun - I was this fat old miserable lady - SO fun.  Okay so whatever.  Here's my point.  I intended to do a good job from a good hard working place.  Fine.  It has occurred to me today that so many of the things I do - even if they are kind things are done from an ill-intentioned place.  So I'm reading this book The Diamond Cutter and he says that it's so much more powerful (if I'm understanding him correctly) to do something small from a kind, gracious place - than to do something big from a kind, guilty manipulative place.  Oh my fucking God - I am so stressed out.  My shoulders are up around my ears.  She hasn't paid me for the extra days I have worked here and I am out of cash and I shit myself a little today.  I have been running around this store in a dress with no panties on.  You really don't know stress until you have on no panties because you ate a bad fish wrap and have to climb up and down stairs to find sizes for ladies who are impatiently waiting and staring at you.  I guess I could have on no panties because I want to.  What about this is positive?  I didn't shit on a customer or in front of one.  Imagine if I shit myself with a customer here and I would have to be like "Oh my God - I'm so sorry - I know you have to go get your hair straightened, meet the workmen at your house and pick up your stuff at Bergdorf for your 3 months in the Hamptons and you need to rush try on these 35 things but I shit myself so I'm going to have to ask you to leave and come back later."  OH I WOULD FUCKING LOVE THAT SO MUCH.  Let's say.  Whatever.  I guess I still have some things to iron out.  And I guess working from a place of being well-intentioned and thinking positive is way to start.  AWESOME BYE.