I guess it's not coming back.

I guess my comedy isn't coming back.  I'm supposed to be re-writing this but what the heck.  I work here - I go see my family - I pay my bills and take care of my dog and I never perform.  My class has gotten better and now we don't have class for a week.  I went to see my parents this weekend and that was amazing - I went to the beach and the river and it was fantastic.  MY father grilled steaks on the grill and I watched the Emmy's.  I would love to be on a sitcom.  Would I?  I can't even manage to get to work showered 2 days in a  row.  Alright - I'm getting upset.  I felt like I had such a grasp on things.  When?  I don't know.  Okay - okay - calm down.  I just wake up with this emptiness because I don't do comedy anymore - it makes me so sad.  Some part of me must not want to do it or I'm not letting myself do it.  I'm so confused.  I'm also just tired.  I did this Anniversary thing last night and you have to shake hands with over 400 people - it was really intense.  Then I forgot to wash my hands an ate some chocolate.  I should have just licked the sidewalk.  I shouldn't say it's not coming back - what do I know.  I also was telling myself I don't have love inside me and that is simply not true.  I do have love inside of me and this is about growing and balance.  I have killed off 3 plants lately because with the move I suddenly started to water them too much and I killed them off.  MY father said that most plants are liked by over watering them and by paying too much attention to them.  Now I'm upset again.  Balance has never been my thing.  I'm going to go about this day and then get some boxes to put odds and ends in in my apartment.  I have been cooking at home and it has been so glorious!!!  The last 2 nights I made myself blue cheese burgers with avocado, red onion and a side salad of mixed baby greens and arugula.  SO FUCKING GOOD.  And fun!  Alright.  Bye Blueberry - I miss you!!!