Why is it even called people pleasing? It's literally "Trying to get people to love me in the most passive aggressive way possible even though it hurts me and never works." Okay obviously I am ANGRY. What's new right? It's different this time because I am mostly angry because I am not acting out on these charater defects - a huge one being people pleasing. But here's why I am REALLY angry. Ready?
Because I decided - I DECIDED NO MORE PEOPLLE PLEASING.
And GUESS WHAT?
Not one person has changed. NOT ONE.
Becaaaaaaause that's not how it works. I change. AND I AM SO ANGRY. I am so fucking tired and HOT and annoyed. It's SO HARD to say no to people and it's so uncomfortable and also painful - to slowly change. I know - I really know there are much, much harder things to deal with but this feels like drinking to me and in a way it is because it hurts me so much. I don't know what else to say. I am shocked that I thought I would just make this decision and then everyone would start to behave differently. I mean I didn't consciously think that's what would happen but apparently I "thought" that's what was going to happen because when it happened today I was shocked by my reaction. Um - it's also hormonal.
Also they are literally paving the road ALL day right outside my window in my office and it's so loud. That doesn't have anything to do with people pleasing it's just annoying. I can also FEEL it - good LORD. I have to go. I love you and I am not blog pleasing I mean it. Byeee.
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