Wednesday, July 3, 2019

Wuzzzz Uuuuuuup

I tell you wuz up!?  THE WEATHER!  It's hot as fucking balls out here right now holy fuck.  Anyway I am losingm y fucking mind.  I'm hot & tired and the internet is broken.  The whole thing!  Facebook, instagram, twitter - I don't know email seems to be working.  Anyway I am in the house in y bedroom with the AC on.  I had a good day - I jogged, went to alanon, spoke to my sponsee and went and got groceries.  Somehow this basically took up my whole day and I woke up at 7:00.  I would not say time management is one of my strong suits.  Anyway so tonight I have another meeting - one of my ladies meetings and I am looking forward to it.  I had a huge epiphany today while I was meditating and it was truly profound.  What was super interesting was it was something that I have thought about many times and recognized intellectually but this time it hit me differently - in my heart.  I just recognized it as a solid truth.  I GOT it.  Like when I had that moment of grace and realized I can never safely drink or do drugs.  I know that you are SO CURIOUS and I will tell you that it is once again - something I have realized 10 million times but anyway here it goes.....

I am not responsible for anyone's feelings.  But here's what I realized after Alanon....

I am not responsible for anyone's feelings - bad or GOOD.  What!????  Mind blown.

I am not responsible for your stuff even if you think I caused it - even if it's good stuff.  I am not sure why but this feels like tectonic shift type shit right now.  I can't even believe it.  I don't know that I always felt responsible for people's feelings but I got there eventually and then I got very sick with it all.  But now I am getting better.  Here's the other side - READY!???

But also - you are not responsible for mine.  I am.  Me.  My stuff.  I love Justin Beiber right?  Look I think he's so fucking entertaining and super talented.  I DO.  I love him.  I would get REALLY excited if I met him and he might have diarrhea and not give me the time of day.  Those are MY FEELINGS to be dealt with by ME.  Although let's face it Justin Beiber would totally want to meet me.  I miiight even let him in on this blog.  HA.  ANYWAY.  Ugh I feel gross.  I need to take a shower.  BYE.

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