A little bit up, down

I'm having some swings.  Why?  I don't know.  I'm tired, scared and bored.  Bad combo.  I did a mi tonight and I have a show tomorrow night and I have a direction to go in.  I met with someone and wrote with her and she gave me some pointers - a lot of pointers and it was - upsetting.  Basically - I need to work harder.  What made me think that wouldn't be the answer?  I'm not sure.  She also said to just be me - which also isn't what I wanted to hear even though I KNOW that's the best thing.  I wanted her to say be someone 15 years younger.  Why would that help me?  Ugh the guy and I had a row today - it wasn't good.  His son is not well - neither of his kids are well.  It's terrifying and so scary.  Also I don't know - it's so hard being in a relationship.  I know - awwww - no but really.  I just have such raging intimacy issues.  It's so much working things out and feelings and - sometimes I'm just not good at it.  Which make me sad.  But it's okay.  What?  I'm so tired right now I need to go to sleep.  Love you Bluebie bye.