Friday, July 17, 2015

Nothing to give.

I have absolutely nothing to give.  I am so terrified right now. I am not dealing well with all the questions from customers about the store closing an dI have my period and I just feel awful.  I feel like how I felt at the beginning of my sobriety - or for 3 years of it.  I feel crazy and like she has put me in a terrible position by not telling me she might be closing.  I don't know - I guess I'm super alcoholic or whatever right now.  I have been working on my new resume but - I have no confidence - Im just so scared and flipped out.  And then to make me more broken hearted - my guy asked me if I would be willing to adopt his granddaughter with him.  I said yes - and I was so happy.  I felt like it was a chance to finally get to be a mother - you know?  Then he talked to the woman at the place and the foster family actually has the right to adopt her first and she's been there for 2 years and I realized that it's probably not good for her to be taken away form them now.  So now I just feel so fucking sad.  That poor little girl - first she can't be with her real mom and then to take her away from where she's been for 2 years?  I can't - I can't be part of that - it just sounds awful for her.  Omg I'm just so upset.  And to deal with these spoiled, gross women is just more than I can handle.  The level of panic these women are expressing over this store closing is so ridiculous.  Im upset but it's my job.  They shop here twice a year - give me a fucking break.  Im just so sad.  Im so so sad.  And so people are coming in here and asking me questions and I can barely be polite to them much less help them buy a dumb sweater.  I just have my period right?  I can't stop crying.  I've needed a new job for so long - one where I am taken care of and appreciated.  Here's my chance.  My chance?  Haha.  Whoa Im really not okay.  It's okay.  Today is probably not the day to figure out the rest of my life.  I asked my sister for help with my resume.  Im so sad.  I said that already right?  Love you Bluebie bye.

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