Keeping clean.

So I'm working on this scene for class and got all confused about this guy being hot (even though I had no idea until a week ago) and me being horny and ridiculous and suddenly thinking maybe I'm supposed to have this guy's babies - right?  I'm mean WHAT the fuck is that?  He has a girlfriend and I have a BOYFRIEND - who I am IN LOVE with and I have zero desire to have a baby right now.  So then yesterday I rush to this rehearsal with a director and this guy - I'm all sweaty and I wore this hilarious but hideous costume and he shows up looking - UNREAL - gorgeous and then we rehearse like 20 minutes and he leaves to go to a show.  Then I couldn't stop thinking about how fat I am (which I'm not - I gained a few pounds but come on - and I'm not just saying that - if anything I'm just BLOATED) and how maybe he would like me better if I wore a nicer costume and I didn't have veins in my legs and what color is his girlfriend anyway??  And it felt AWFUL.  It felt like how I always used to be with men - "Does he like me - is he going to call?  I wonder if I wore yellow if he would like me better?"  WHAT?  I went to a meeting after the rehearsal and I realized how I was being.  Just crazy.  I shared about it the meeting and then something shifted.  Isn't that so scary?  I just slipped away a little bit in my thinking and behavior.  But it's okay I nipped it in the bud.  Or the meeting nipped it in the bud?  I wonder why that happened though?  I haven't been as good with my program - it's been so busy at the store and it's so hard to take phone calls.  I've been running around and doing and trying to get other odd jobs to supplement my income - I'm just flustered.  But that's okay - I have today to get myself together here.  I guess I just had some sort of emotional slip or something?  I DEFINITELY have not been working on my alanon stuff enough or gone to enough meetings.  Hello.  Gotta go sell some tunics - love you Bleubie bye.