A minute to write....

I have a few extra minutes today to write thank God.  Wait this was part of what I have scheduled actually.  Okay so anyway I have time to write.  I called the police from yesterday and are you ready for this?  They called her, left a message and she called back.  She said she understood that I don't want any contact and for some reason it seems so utterly bizarre to me.  In my head I just see her being like "Oh that's nice the police called, I'm just going to call them back on my way to yoga.  Oh she doesn't want to talk to me?  That's odd - I've been watching her videos.  Okay thank you for calling!"  Okay anyway I will move forward with getting the report and going to the court for a restraining order.  I had an audition today and it COMPLETELY felt like someone was following me there but not on my way back.  It's a building you can't get into anyway so she couldn't have followed me to the office.  Of course this is an opportunity...something inside of me is strengthening from this & perhaps healing.  That part of me that feels like I don't matter is like OH I MATTER - A LOT.  BYE FELCIA.  God I almost didn't go on the audition.  But I have worked so hard - so so hard and I love it more than anything.  I can't hide or - I don't know what - get pushed to the ground?  What in the fuck was I going to say?  No clue.  Such CHALLENGES right now!  It's okay - gotta go write for my show tonight - love you Bluebie bye.
  I REMEMBERED.  I know that all of this is doing something for her - I can feel it.  Now she has contact right?  But I can't have it.  I know there needs to be a paper trail also and so oh well - but I do know this - I don't want any contact.  No contact.  Zero contact.  Do you know how hard that is for a people pleasing alanonic person to say??  VERY.  Okay bye.