Breakfast.

This is what I had for breakfast......first I ate a banana.  Then after I meditated I had celery juice.  Then I waited 20 minutes, wrote in my journal and ate puffed rice cereal with raspberries, blueberries and vanilla almond milk Without sugar.  AND I STILL FEEL LIKE A VICTIM.  What the fuck is that??  It is beautiful outside and I am in my home and doing what I love.  I do think I'm a little dehydrated but other than that - no reason to be bonkers and a victim except that I am supposed to be writing.  I am doing this talk next week and I haven't done it yet.  Not prepared, not ready, haven't written it.  I guess that I don't want to since I am not doing it.  I have rehearsal tonight so I am blaming that for the reason why I am not writing right now.  Yesterday I literally did EVERYTHING to avoid writing including exercising and doing the dishes.  I DID THE DISHES 3 TIMES.  That's how much I was avoiding it.  I don't even know why - I love it - but I guess for this I just feel completely unqualified.  It's all doctors on the panel except for well - 3 of us - 3 survivors who are telling our stories.  So okay.  Right.  How about I check them out - check everything out.  I did start doing research the other day so it's okay.  I am not supposed to sound or be a doctor.  It's just 10 minutes and my brother said he would look at it after I write it.  Ugh I feel like I am going to puke except honestly it's fine.  It's different for me and not my usual thing but I can do it.  Just DO IT.  I can do it.  I can do it.  I want to rest.  Well why don't I work on this and then rest.  There we go.  Love you Bluebie bye.