Mess.

I am kind of a mess.  I am exercising so much more and started the Livestrong program yesterday and all of it is kicking my ass.  I am so so tired and I slept a ton last night.  I am eating less and I JUST WANT TO GO BACK TO BED.  Okay well if I wanted to I could.  I really could!  But I want to live.  Can't I live and go back to bed?  I'm not depressed I am just exhausted.  I also have a pain in the middle of my back which is scaring the shit out of me.  I of course am thinking it's more cancer.  This is the part of cancer that people say is tough about cancer after the treatment is done.  Okay but it's not more cancer it's just a muscle in my back from exercising and it will feel better if I do some yoga but I don't want to.  Holy shit this is a struggle.  I know on the other side I am going to feel strong and healthy.  Please God help me push through this.  It's so hard to know what the right thing is to do but I know.  I am going to sit here for 5 minutes and meditate again even though I did this morning already.  Then I am going to do 10 minutes of yoga and then I am going to make chili in the crockpot so I have dinner when I get home.  I am going to take a shower and get clean and put on clean clothes.  I am going to breathe and things will shift.  If the pain continues for 3 days I will go to the doctor.  That's all.  Okay love you Bluebie bye.