Excited for life....

meaning I am excited for my life - not like "I am excited forever - for LIIIIIFE."  I don't know what's happened but there is a shift.  I was just thinking the other day - yesterday?  I don't know when it was - I can't remember shit anymore and honestly I could care less - it's making me laugh right now even saying it.  What can you do?  Anyway - my point is that I was thinking about how much I miss dancing - God I loved dancing so much.  It's one of the few creative expressions I did that I did just for the sheer joy of it.  Meaning it just makes me happy to do it - I am not trying to BECOME a dancer - although I did want to be a dancer.  I probably wrote about this before - who knows!  I can't remember anything haha.  Well but back to my point....I was just thinking how badly I want to take dance class and then I was thinking (simultaneously) oh gosh yes but how can I fit it in?  How am I going to have the time?  And then - then I just thought of ALL of the stuff I want to do and then I started to get more overwhelmed as I often have in my life and then - SOMETHING shifted and I just got excited thinking about GETTING to go to dance class (so funny I accidentally wrote acting and had to change it).  I got excited thinking about GETTING to do these things.  I know it might sound trivial but it was such a mental shift.  Such a shift in perception.  Such an ATTITUDE adjustment.  I don't know.  I don't know but today I jogged - are you ready - 7 miles.  7 MOTHER-FUCKING MILES.  In a ROW.  It was amazing.  Then I went and ate 2 large pizzas!  Haha no I didn't.  But I was so excited to do it.  I was so excited to get out there and be alive and in the fresh air.  I'm so grateful my sister suggested this marathon.  Half-marathon.  Fuck I'm crying.  See this is what cancer did for me.  I'm grateful now to live and I am so grateful to do things that make me live better.  I am losing my thoughts because the tears are making the page disappear.  Hold on.  See - so I have one sister who has given me work this year so that I have been able to finish treatment and be at home healing.  Then this other sister got me to be moving my body - something that makes me feel ALIVE.  I guess that's why I want to dance again so badly - it makes me feel alive.  Opens my heart.  It has taken me almost 10 years of sobriety to get back to myself and to be able to want to live with an open heart.  It doesn't take everyone that long and it probably take some people a lot longer.  I don't know - maybe some people don't want to live that way!  I think I might finally be moving into my life - I'm not saying it correctly...I'm moving on - that's all.  I am finally moving on.  Ugh - am I really if I am writing that?  Isn't that what people say who aren't moving on?  Like a threat "OKAY I'M LEAVING - I'M GOING."  It's so fucking weird - something just shifted in my head.  I have stuff to do so I have to go.  Love you Bluebie byeeee.