Friday, March 2, 2018

Compromised.

I have been in bed all day.  I tried to wake up and go about my day and it just didn't happen.  I was exhausted and there is some sort of NoreEaster - is that what it's called?  Some sort of crazy storm outside and every instinct in my body said GO BACK TO BED so I did.  I read allllll day and had a little bit of sex with the guy.  The other highlight was making gluten free blueberry pancakes.  I managed to do the dishes too.  But now I am back in bed and happily so.  Oh well - another month of chemo and then hopefully I will start to heal and feel better.  I won't be compromised and I can even take the trains again!  My hair is growing back and guess what?  IT'S ALL WHITE.  I look craaazzy.  It's all baby soft.  I'm sure it will change.  I think some eyelashes are growing back too which is exciting.  Anyway so what else?  An old friend got in touch with me and honestly it's so sweet.  I don't think I have spoken to her since - well I know - it was the beginning of 2007 or at best the end of 2006.  THAT IS SO LONG AGO.  She ran into a mutual friend who told her about my cancer so she reached out to me.  I just have to say it's the craziest thing what this cancer has done as far as reconnecting me with people and how KIND they have been.  So I find myself in AWE of people's generosity and then I am also like I CAN'T BELIEVE ONLY ONE COUSIN SENT ME A CARD.  What the fuck is that?  Haha so fucking crazy.  So alcoholic.  Someone is kind and then I'm like well where the fuck is everyone else!?  I am so fucking happy I am in bed right now.  I never do this.  I mean I did it when I was so so sick from the other chemo but this feels like something kind for myself - like a mini-vacation.  I guess actually my energy level is similar to that other chemo - meaning I don't have any - but I am not nauseas.  CANT I JUST LET MYSELF BE IN BED AND NOT HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE?  Christ Almighty on a cracker.  Gotta go - love you Bluebie byeeeeee.

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