Friday, March 2, 2018
I have been in bed all day. I tried to wake up and go about my day and it just didn't happen. I was exhausted and there is some sort of NoreEaster - is that what it's called? Some sort of crazy storm outside and every instinct in my body said GO BACK TO BED so I did. I read allllll day and had a little bit of sex with the guy. The other highlight was making gluten free blueberry pancakes. I managed to do the dishes too. But now I am back in bed and happily so. Oh well - another month of chemo and then hopefully I will start to heal and feel better. I won't be compromised and I can even take the trains again! My hair is growing back and guess what? IT'S ALL WHITE. I look craaazzy. It's all baby soft. I'm sure it will change. I think some eyelashes are growing back too which is exciting. Anyway so what else? An old friend got in touch with me and honestly it's so sweet. I don't think I have spoken to her since - well I know - it was the beginning of 2007 or at best the end of 2006. THAT IS SO LONG AGO. She ran into a mutual friend who told her about my cancer so she reached out to me. I just have to say it's the craziest thing what this cancer has done as far as reconnecting me with people and how KIND they have been. So I find myself in AWE of people's generosity and then I am also like I CAN'T BELIEVE ONLY ONE COUSIN SENT ME A CARD. What the fuck is that? Haha so fucking crazy. So alcoholic. Someone is kind and then I'm like well where the fuck is everyone else!? I am so fucking happy I am in bed right now. I never do this. I mean I did it when I was so so sick from the other chemo but this feels like something kind for myself - like a mini-vacation. I guess actually my energy level is similar to that other chemo - meaning I don't have any - but I am not nauseas. CANT I JUST LET MYSELF BE IN BED AND NOT HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE? Christ Almighty on a cracker. Gotta go - love you Bluebie byeeeeee.