Sunday, April 30, 2017

Sunday.

It's a beautiful day and we got up and went jogging.  I am going to a memorial tomorrow for my childhood friend's Mother.  She was such a wonderful woman and so kind to us as kids.  Also a comedian passed away this week who was a really great guy.  He just had me on his show two weeks ago - I can't even believe it.  I don't know - life is short and precious.  As I walked this morning (after I jogged haha) I thought about how lucky I am to have this life and to have the programs that help me to actually live.  I was always scrambling trying to figure out how to live and it was exhausting.  I suppose I am still doing that sometimes but it's a lot less.  My guy said to me today that we just need to cooperate.  We just need to cooperate with God or the Universe or whatever you want to call it - The Flow.  You know I wake up every morning and pray and meditate......and at some point I say thank you and I fucking mean it.  I say thank you for keeping me sober and thank you for not being hung-over.  I get sick to my stomach right now just thinking about a hangover.  I used to wake up and puke bile.  Yellow gross bile and sometimes I couldn't even make it out of bed - I would just puke on the floor, roll over and go back to sleep.  I think it's a good thing to be grateful I am not doing that today or any morning I get to wake up and not be doing that.  Whatever I just have today.  I am feeling very sentimental and I can tell because my nose is tickling.  Whenever I get emotional and start to cry but my nose tickles - I know I'm forcing it.  Jesus - is there anything less attractive than someone trying to FORCE crying?  Haha - whatever.  I am still grateful - that part is authentic at least.  Okay I have so much to do and I have no idea how I am going to get it all done and I need to write!  Okay love you Bluebie byeeee.

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