Hmmmmm

I want to complain and be negative but then again I don't.  I'm so tired which seems ridiculous since I got a ton of sleep and I have had fairly mellow days the last few days.  I guess I just get tired.  I am taking care off myself though.  I got up and prayed & meditated, did some yoga, used my kettle bell and jogged on the treadmill.  That sounds a lot more impressive than it is because I do the old lady version of everything.  But whatever I'm doing it.  I should probably push myself a little more because I am never very sore afterwards.  I mean I SWEAT when I am jogging but I'm never really very sore.  We have the podcast tonight and then I have a show.  Oh boy.  It's the driving into the city that's really the stressful part but it's sooooooo much less stressful than when I lived there - holy fuck.  I mean I was never able to really unplug there enough.  Here I really can land and unplug so let's FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE.  Barf.  I am having anxiety but I think it's related to the not eating the bread.  I AM STILL NOT EATING BREAD.  Can you fucking imagine?  I am eating cheese but it's so crazy - there's only so much cheese I can eat when it's not ATTACHED TO DELICIOUS BREAD.  Really.  I mean I can eat tons of pizza but how much fucking mozzarella can I eat just by itself OR even WITH pepperoni??  Talk about first world problems gross.  Anyway I really am some sort of mess without the bread.  I have really only been doing this for about a month or so and do you know how many muffins, donuts, Panini's, pizza slices, waffles and burgers with buns I would have eaten?  SO MANY.  I'm so embarrassed.  I was just not feeling good and packing that weight on and now that I am not eating those things I'm just like WOW - how self-destructive can I get.  Whatever it's a PROCESS.  Ha. Well um I enjoyed every pastry I had I will tell you that right now so okay.  I need to work on my comedy now for tonight.  I wrote that and then I INSTANTLY wanted to lay down.  Such a mind fuck.  I feel like a huge part of being an artist is talking myself into actually doing the fucking work.  It's crazy.  Okay did I complain?  I don't know.  Um I think yes but in a positive way.  LOVE YOU BLUEBIE BYE.