Tuesday, April 25, 2017
I want to complain and be negative but then again I don't. I'm so tired which seems ridiculous since I got a ton of sleep and I have had fairly mellow days the last few days. I guess I just get tired. I am taking care off myself though. I got up and prayed & meditated, did some yoga, used my kettle bell and jogged on the treadmill. That sounds a lot more impressive than it is because I do the old lady version of everything. But whatever I'm doing it. I should probably push myself a little more because I am never very sore afterwards. I mean I SWEAT when I am jogging but I'm never really very sore. We have the podcast tonight and then I have a show. Oh boy. It's the driving into the city that's really the stressful part but it's sooooooo much less stressful than when I lived there - holy fuck. I mean I was never able to really unplug there enough. Here I really can land and unplug so let's FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE. Barf. I am having anxiety but I think it's related to the not eating the bread. I AM STILL NOT EATING BREAD. Can you fucking imagine? I am eating cheese but it's so crazy - there's only so much cheese I can eat when it's not ATTACHED TO DELICIOUS BREAD. Really. I mean I can eat tons of pizza but how much fucking mozzarella can I eat just by itself OR even WITH pepperoni?? Talk about first world problems gross. Anyway I really am some sort of mess without the bread. I have really only been doing this for about a month or so and do you know how many muffins, donuts, Panini's, pizza slices, waffles and burgers with buns I would have eaten? SO MANY. I'm so embarrassed. I was just not feeling good and packing that weight on and now that I am not eating those things I'm just like WOW - how self-destructive can I get. Whatever it's a PROCESS. Ha. Well um I enjoyed every pastry I had I will tell you that right now so okay. I need to work on my comedy now for tonight. I wrote that and then I INSTANTLY wanted to lay down. Such a mind fuck. I feel like a huge part of being an artist is talking myself into actually doing the fucking work. It's crazy. Okay did I complain? I don't know. Um I think yes but in a positive way. LOVE YOU BLUEBIE BYE.