Wednesday, December 7, 2016
The Misunderstanding of My Perception
That is what is so fucked up about being an alcoholic. My perception completely and utterly sucks sometimes. It fucking stinks. I guess I misunderstood what the guy was saying and not only that I had decided in my head a whole new plan to the life we have planned together and all of it sucked. sucked hard in a really not sexy, not productive, not loving way. My brain can really just blow sometimes. This is why in the program there is the saying "Restraint of pen and tongue." That means shut the fuck up because you think he said go fuck yourself when he really said we need to talk about some things and make some adjustments. I heard "go fuck yourself" so I was like "GO FUCK YOURSELF I'M GETTING A DIFFERENT JOB FORGETTING MY DREAMS BECOMING A DIFFERENT PERSON BUYING AN ISLAND AND LEAVING YOU!!!!!!" Right. RIGHT. So not only is my perception off I hear shit wrong too. I can't even deal with myself right now. I just watched Under The Tuscan Sun and cried through the whole thing. I guess I needed to cry. A lot. I also realized that I think I watched that movie when I was still drinking because I remember parts of it and the ending but not al of it and it took me half the movie to realize I had seen it before. Good fucking Lord. Yeah. Yeah I was definitely drunk when I watched that movie. I watched that entire movie Adaptation coming in and out of a black out. It's been 13 years - I should give it a go again. I only remember Meryl Streep tripping and trying to brush her teeth. I was so fascinated by how well she was acting that. I was how the fuck does Meryl Streep now how tripping feels SO much?? She seemed so much older and I know she has 4 kids so I was like when the fuck has she found time to TRIP?? Good Lord. Okay I have to go. I think I'm going to watch Friends now. It really takes me out of myself and it's such a relief. I'm going to leave the house tomorrow bye.