Saturday, October 15, 2016

PMS - The Prison That Hormones Built.

I saw an episode of Law & Order SVU where some chick claimed that her PMS made her kill her boyfriend.  Or I don't really remember exactly - maybe it was her landlord or her super - maybe it was some dickhead that worked at a deli.  Either way - that was her claim and her claim was WORKING until good old detective Olivia Benson did some research and found out this woman's cycle didn't quite add up and if she really did have this version of "killer PMS" her symptoms would have not been enflamed during the day of the murder.  I forgot what the version of PMS it was called.  Anyway so this chick went to jail but I left the episode feeling like "Wow - it could have gotten that chick off of a MURDER WRAP?  RAP?  however you spell it?"  So then - what the fuck!  What is my point?  I have PMS right now and I feel like I have been run OVER by it.  I am so sad, hormonal and dark.  I can't get out of myself.  I gained 5 pounds this week and I have been exercising EVERYDAY.  I'm so very uncomfortable in my body.  My boobs hurt, my stomach hurts, and I'm so emotional.  I can't stop crying.  Yesterday on metro-north I accidentally stepped on some man as the train took off and he YELPED when I did it.  I guess I really stepped and fell over on him.  As I passed him by to get into the seat I SAW HIS CANE.  I fell on a handicapped man and made him yelp.  I almost started to hysterically start crying.  Instead I just looked out the window and cried a little bit to myself.  Can you imagine some bloated woman stepping on you - making you yelp and then hysterically crying and saying sorry?  I WOULD BE SO FUCKING ANNOYED.  Please - dear God - that's too much.  I asked if he was okay right after it happened and he said yes.  Anyway so I don't feel great at all.  I am home on the couch.  The guy left me alone because I just need to be alone.  Im not good around people when Im like this.  I wonder why it is so bad this time?  I started taking Royal Jelly in hopes it would help me and maybe it will.  Maybe it just hasn't had enough time to work.  I would really like to get a grip on this and I thought I had on some level?  I can't operate through life this was - it's like I really have to go into hiding 5 days before my period.  I mean that just isn't possible.  And even if it was - it seems so not functional.  Alright.  Well this has been good.  Right?  Why do I have to be an alcoholic and have PMS?  Doesn't that seem like too much?  I never ask those questions - or maybe I do and I just don't remember.  Alcoholism brought me closer to God.  PMS makes me INSANE.  It's a viable MUREDER excuse!  Plea?  Whatever.  I can't think straight.  OKAY.  I'm exhausted.  Thank you for listening.  Love you Bluebie bye. 

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