Countdown.....

So today is one of my last 2 days at this waitressing job. Big fucking sigh. And you know the boutique I was at before this? With Cunty Buns? It's closing. Someone bought them out of their lease early and it's no more. So it's so crazy or maybe not I don't know....I'm incapable of doing these jobs anymore and/or they end. So I'm going to go full-time artist and I feel like I'm going to throw up. What am I crazy?? I feel like I'm on the edge of an abyss - and someone is saying "It's okay - you will float - just jump!" Good fucking Lord!! I have no faith - I can't get a picture in my head of me getting work - real work....or writing real work....or making real work.  I have to figure out how to have some faith and listen to my heart. I love it all so much and it fills me up like nothing else - but there is s huge wall in my minds eye where I see me being successful or even being happy. It's like I'm drawing a blank. And I'm so tired and burnt out from the last 3 or 4 years of just pushing myself and running around exhausting myself that I just want to rest. So I don't feel like I'm changing jobs - I feel like I'm retiring the earliest anyone has ever retired before but with only $60 saves for their retirement.  Come on - I'm being nuts. This is nuts!! Man I am fucking terrified - I can't even believe it.  Well - I mean this use hat I know....what I'm doing a shave done isn't really working for me anymore and I'm not sure how to be successful at doing what I love.  And also I am bored of being exhausted and not being fruitful in what I love.  So. So I am at an inpass - right? Holy Fuck.  Okay - love you Bluebie - bye.