Writing.

I love writing.  Its hard to do - its hard to get myself to it.  Its like exercising - it's so uncomfortable.  Hard to get started.  This is not revolutionary.  Anyway - I love it.  I was able to write quite a bit this week for my comedy - it's been slow at work - soooooo slow - and I worked with 2 different sets of people on my writing.  Ugh - what?  My guy was talking to me while I was writing that and I am not - ha - coordinated enough to be able to write and listen/talk.  Anyway - I wrote with a couple of friends which was helpful, but what was really helpful was writing to get ready to write with them.  Then I also paid someone to help me on my writing which was tremendously helpful and then I was able to do a spot today and work on the stuff and it helped a bunch.  So I'm getting there.  My point is that if I can get somewhere - to that place - with the writing - where I'm really learn how to write for myself - I can do a good job up there performing.  AH.  It's so intense - I don't remember it being so intense last time - I guess because I was wasted all the time.  I was wasted and I was always worried about dudes and blah, blah - I don't know - other shit.  So my guy drove me into the city and back here from the show.  He's so sweet and supportive.  He has good ideas too - he's a great comrade.  We are going out to dinner tonight for our anniversary.  Writing that just blew my mind.  What a shift my life has taken.  Thank God.  I just couldn't take life going in that other direction.  I like this more balanced state and I have to say sometimes it's excruciating and I just want to be like AHHHHH - I NEED TO GET ONSTAGE EVERY NIGHT AND RUN ARIUND LIKE A MANIAC - THAT'S THE ANSWER ONLY.  And listen it is the answer for someone and if I was 25 it could be my answer.  But - Im not.  And my guy isn't either and anyway - Im still seeing growth this way it's just not as splashy and dramatic.  Please I am plenty splashy and dramatic onstage - I don't need it in my own life fuck that shit.  I like CALM.  I like LAYING DOWN because I'm healthy tired.  What?  Well anyway I still work 14 hour days at least twice a week and I get plenty exhausted.  Do I feel guilty that Im going to dinner with my guy!?  Ha - I guess so.  Well good thing I justified it then.  Anyway I feel so grateful for him and I want to take care of us.  Gotta put on some lipstick and eat a steak!  Ha!  Love you Bluebie byeeeeee!