Day 2161.

Wow - I just realized my 6 year anniversary is coming up fairly soon.  Beginning in September - oh duh - September 3rd - one month from today.  WOW.  That at this very moment seems mind blowing to me.  Okay so the weekend was good - but the week was rough.  I have been having a rough time although I went to the beach yesterday and today I got to put a mud mask on my whole upper body and relax before the guy drove me home.  I just made myself lunch which was lovely and in a couple of hours I'm going to go for a walk in the park and go to a meeting.  I did a show over the weekend that was reasonable good - I worked a lot on it - wrote, re-wrote and practiced it a ton of times.  Now I'm just waiting to see the recording which I do hope is indeed going to happen.  Haha - somehow I have a feeling it didn't work or something.  Well - whatever - it was good and the hard work paid off.  I need to figure out my week.  I don't know.  I'm going to try to go to some clubs - some other places where I don't usually go.  Ugh - terrifying.  So fucking scary.  Okay - maybe 2 open mics and 2 clubs to visit.  There - that's what I'm going to do.  Holy shit it's hot in my apartment.  The guy is great and well - patient.  I just - I'm - ugh - I just get annoyed and upset - him not being divorced yet, my job ending - haha - having no money.  Oh but seriously blah, blah blah.  I'm so fucking grateful to be sober.  Sober and in alanon.  Even if I am super uncomfortable and feeling shame & humiliation on a consistent basis (ha) - at least I'm not pissing on myself and throwing up every morning from my own doing.  And yelling at people.  I yelled at people so much.  When I was drinking and the first 3 years of my sobriety and 3 weeks ago.  Oye.  Okay - love you Bluebie bye.