Burping. Stress. And Love.

Trying to stay positive and working hard but not killing myself.  It's so fucking confusing to be honest.  I just want to either do comedy 100% of the time or not at all.  I mean it is fucking excruciating doing it in a methodical manner.  It's practically fucking killing me.  Which is where the burping comes in I guess.  I mean I can't stop burping.  I'm just stressed out.  I went on a job interview - I can type 36 words a minute.  Man am I skilled or what?  On another note I am having these wonderful weekends with the guy - we go to the beach - go visit people - go to meetings - it's amazing.  Ugh and then I'm so stressed out?  It's crazy.  Well it's also hot as fuck - so humid too.  I hosted a show last night - got home at 1:30 - because someone gave me a ride home - thank GOD.  I have been doing sit-ups, some yoga - walking everywhere - changing my eating habits and DEAR GAO - I feel like I have gained weight.  What the fuck?  See - I can't think positive.  Im exhausted.  Busy.  Busy is good.  Anyway - haha - at least I didnt eat a muffin yet.  And Im just not able to see how things are going to work out.  How can I afford my class?  How can I pay my rent?  How can I get enough stage time?  How can I - I dont know what - live?  Save for the future?  Stop panicking every time I save more than $20. Isn't that the weirdest thing ever?  I get a very real sense of doom whenever I save even the tiniest amount of money.  At some point I really need to understand what that is about.  I'm tired.  I feel so grateful - I was crying last night as I was walking away from the meeting I was at towards where the show was.  All the things I got to calmly see as I walked - it just seemed so beautiful.  The buildings, an old lady trying to text.....Okay and then as I am writing this some lady from this neighborhood where the store is - walked in with her horrible hair and asked me in sucha  cunty passive aggressive voice if we were going out of business.  She is a frumpy, dumpy cunt.  UGH.  SEE HOW GRATEFUL I AM.  Unreal - Im terrified of this job ending but I don't like it.  Oh she is trying on a scarf that looks like a table cloth.  OH MAN I HOPE SHE BUYS IT.  Im trying - I swear to God - Im trying.  Bye.