Wide girth.

That sounds weird right?  I am trying each and everyday to do the things I hear suggested positively as far as positive thoughts, kind feelings towards myself - forgiving myself - blah, blah blah - right?  I have sponsees, people who I try to guide through the program as I have been guided.  I give them a wide girth - ha - I have no idea if that's the right term for it - but it's what I am using right now.  I give them a lot of room.  I need structure but too much I balk at and I know a lot of people do as well.  I try to be consistent and strong - present - and roomy.  Ugh - this just sounds weird and isn't even really my point.  My point is that yesterday as I was walking out in the sunshine I was thinking about how hard I am on myself and how exhausting that is.  Then I thought to myself "Why don't I give myself the wide girth that I give everyone else" and my whole center shifted.  I mean it felt like my whole stomach went 6 inches in closer to my body - there was just this complete shifting of my center.  It was fucking crazy.  Wow - I just got so tired.  Ha - I need to go outside - it's cloudy out today so my apartment is even darker than it usually is.  So okay - so that's what I'm doing now.  Giving myself a wide girth.  Gosh -  wish that didn't sound so perverted.  Just back OFF myself you know?  Yeaaaah - so I need to go outside.  I love you sweet Bluebie Blueb.