I can't get out of bed and my therapist says it's because I hate myself.

I set the alarm for 7:30 - I went to sleep about 12:30.  I woke up feeling okay so then I went back to sleep.  I kept waking up and going back to sleep and finally got out of bed at 6:20is?  I feel hung-over.  I talked to my therapist on Friday about not being able to get out of bed and how I sobatoge myself by doing that.  I end up not taking a shower, being late here to the store and then going to do shows - or something else like that and I look like shit and feel embarassed.  She said it's a reflection of how I feel about myself.  And because I don't feel good about myself - I can't take care of myself.  It's just I swear to God - going back to sleep feels so glorious.  I lay there in my clean sheets and feel like it's the best feeling in the world.  I feel like I need more sleep and for 2 minnutes after I wake up - I feel better.  But then the whole rest of the day I feel like - I don't know - so awful.  It takes so long for me to right myself.  I'm a mess right now.  I worked so hard yesterday to get groceries and save money on food this week and I didn't have time to make myself food to bring AND I was late here.  AND I had to take a cab.  I have on mostly clean clothes - except my shirt - and it smells like dirty dishwater under my left armpit.  This isn't good.  I have 2 shows tonight.  2 shows I'm actually getting paid for.  Okay - I am wiritng this so hopefully - Dear Blog God - I can learn fromt his and some kind of tectonic shift can take place.  This is what I thought of as I meditated and tried so hard to be kind to myself on my way here.  That falling back to sleep seems like an addiction of some kind and it's so crazy - I always think I can fall back to sleep and it will somehow be okay.  There is that and also I always tell myself I just need so much sleep - that thats what it is - my body needs more healing time blah blah blah.  And maybe that's true - but - then I need to get to sleep earlier OR somehow train my body to be better with less slepp so my entire day isn't fucked.  I have this friend - you know - the crazy one who I never seem to be able to keep my boundaries with (I have been lately) and she always talks about needing 9 hours of sleep and I am always like - right - yes - me too - of course.  EXCEPT SHE IS MISERABLE.  What's the point of getting 9 hours of sleep if WE ARE STILL A MESS?  Ugh - omg I'm so upset lately about not having kids it makes me want to puke.  Maybe not a good day to worry about that.  Not to mention - um - I'm pretty sure there is NO sleep with a baby.  Someone got a puppy in my building and that thing barked all day long yesterday and this morning the poor thing was whining and just making SO  much noise - I mean that horrible shriek bark.  Yikes.  I feel terrible.  I also feel like I can't handle another thing I have to do.  Is that completely ridiculous?  I can't handle trying to figure out how to get out of bed.  I can't handle trying to love myself out of bed.  Gross.  Barf.  All I want to do right now is eat 12 pounds of bacon and cheese, fall asleep for 4 hours and then go for a walk.  Maybe - jog a little?  Oh boy - well - love you Bluebie bye.