Responsible Feelings.

Well - so I went to alanon last night and I felt a million times better and re-remembered for the umteenth time how codependent and responsible I feel for other peoples feelings and how angry it makes me.  So okay - good.  This morning I was sitting next to this woman on the subway - well actually she was sort of sitting ON me rather - she got on after me and did that weird sat right next to me even though there are seats all over the place thing and she had this giant bag that was resting on me.  She seemed sad and upset and I really was annoyed.  But I was also worried about her feelings.  I mean she was upset - I hated feeling that and I was also annoyed that her purse was laying all over me.  So when I finally got off the express train to the local I felt so relived to be away from her energy and I just realized how not responsible I am for my own feelings.  I didn't liek the way she felt and I could have gotten up and moved - that simple.  And I'm not repsonsible for that woman's feelings or anyone else's - I'm responsible for my own.  Only I'm not all the time - I'm too worried about other people and what is happening with them and how to navigate aroudn their feelings.  HOLY SHIT THAT SUCKS.  I have pms.  Thank you.  I just realized I need to be responsible for my own feelings - that's it.  Which is terrifying because on some level I feel like I don't matter enough.  Everyone else does.  Gross. Bye.