Down day.

Why does this keep happening?  I don't feel great today although I was able to wake up, get myself to the doctor, buy my cousin's babies presents and get to a meeting.  Also I ate an egg and cheese from an Upper West Side Jewish deli that was the most delicious and bizarre thing I have ever had.  It was on this giant what I guess was potato roll (it was yellow) with sesame seeds and it and I don't know - it was just delicious.  And expensive - holy fuck.  Anyway - well I'm here in my apartment and I did the dishes and what else?  I was supposed to do a show tonight but I can't get there in time after THERAPY (what omg) and so I had to cancel.  What am I doing?  I was on such an upswing for 2 days.  I had an audition - my hair looked good - ugh.  Now I feel hairy & fat and my hair is a mess.  Also I let them give me a couple of vaccines at the doctor's and it scared the shit out of me.  Here is where I think Alanon stuff kicks in for me.  It's so fucking hard for me to take care of myself - it really is and then I'm so fucking hard on myself.  Also I'm scared about money and I did go buy a play to work on for class on Tuesday.  That didn't make any sense and one thing has nothing to do with the other I am just trying to say that I DID SOMETHING TODAY aaand I am scared about money.  Lord have ever loving mercy I am a mess.  Okay love you Bluebie bye.