Well. How do I say this? I've heard so so many times in my life that I am in my own way and when I was little my teachers often said I wasn't living up to my potential (thanks). I am not sure why they didn't think to ask WHY that might be but anyway. So - so now here I am now, at this time in my life where I am home - a lot. With myself, a lot. I have been going even farther inside myself and sitting with my feelings - a lot. I have come to realize that I have had one arm tied behind my back my whole fucking life and that's because I thought I was supposed to. I got some message somewhere, sometime that I couldn't be, have or do what I wanted so I just stuck my arm back there and then continued to swim through life. But here's the good news! I know it. I feel it. And I can change it if I want to. And here's one of the greatest ways I know how, and am relearning just how to do that.
Meditation.
Isn't that just so simple, beautiful and amazing? Duh. The thing I have been doing and working on for decades I am relearning once again how simply powerful it is and I can do it for free 12 times a day if I want to. So here's how I have come to this conclusion and it's also very simple.
I am reading "Becoming Supernatural" by Joe Dispenza. In it he talks a lot about the science of what happens when we meditate and it is sooooo fascinating. But what has stuck me as truly profound and I swear to GOD I have never heard it is that he says when we meditate we "get out of our own way." OH. OHHhhhhhHHHHhhhhhh! Oh. OKAY. Well that sounds good to me! Then this morning when I was doing the new Deepak Chopra free meditation I heard him say the same thing! He said when we meditate we "get out of our own way and then our healing system works better." Okay you know that's not a direct quote but something like that. He definitely said we get out of our own way.
Mind blown. God what a relief. I am so fucking tired of struggling with myself I can't even tell you. I guess I can tell you. I suppose you might be tired of it yourself? Anyway glory halleluiah - I feel like I am at least turned facing towards a better direction even if I am not fully on that road yet. And this is what sobriety and the program tells us that we can have and be. We can be happy, joyous and free. It's a lot of mother-fucking work but honestly - it's worth it.
Love you Bluebie!
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