Everything Is Cancelled

Yeah.  On hold till middle of May but I really don't see how anything can happen very quickly after that.  This is nuts.  That being said I am really taking this opportunity to reset - big time.  And it has been extremely uncomfortable and almost painful but I am doing it.  I had therapy today and after I spoke to her I did something that I really did not think I could do.  I removed myself from something that really wasn't good for me.  It made me feel badly and I just could not do it anymore.  She said that I needed to limit the exposure so I removed myself and I am SO FUCKING PROUD OF MYSELF.  Mostly because I was kind and I just said I could not really handle it anymore.  I didn't say it like that - I just was polite and as straight-forward as I can be at this moment of my life.  Who knew I was so fucking CODEPENDENT?  It has been so challenging for me to learn how to say "No" and if I say "Yes" and I "am not comfortable" say "I changed my mind" or "Thank you anyway but I am going to go do anything else but this bye."  Haha I am just kidding.  I really am aiming to be kind but man when I am in something too long I get so fucking ANGRY.  Which sucks.  And then I am not kind.  Life and relationships are so mother-fucking challenging.  Well - so that is where I am right now.  It's the Springtime of 2020.  There is a World Pandemic that has caused many of us to be ordered to stay in our homes till this virus is under control.  I am here facing myself and sitting with my own discomfort - something I have learned to do more & more with the different programs and therapy I am in.  This feels like that opportunity to dig through and organize my emotional closet on a whole different level.  God - it is so weird I like to do this stuff but also it is so weird I NEED to do this stuff.  But doesn't everyone?  At some point in their lives?  I mean seriously.  Anyway so today was one little step towards some emotional sobriety and emotional independence.  There is another big giant step I need to take but I am still trying to figure out exactly what it is I want.  Yeah - so now I can work on that and take care of myself in that situation.  Love you Bluebie!