Breathe...

I just remembered to breathe.  Okay here's the deal.  I am sober now and I work a program.  It's hard to write that when I am not feeling well because it feels so lame - but guess what?  It's saving me.  I make healthier, kinder choices and I am more consistent and I don't know - I freak out less.  I don't yell at people and act nice one minute and then like a psycho the next.  Anyway.  I called the doctor and left a message and at some point I will get to talk to her, ask my questions and let her know what I am doing.  It's okay.  It's exhausting but it's fine.  It's a lot of stimulation form the adrenaline which in turn is exhausting but it's the only thing that feels right.  To be honest it doesn't feel good but at least it is a decision I can make - second opinion - that's it.  I felt better yesterday as the day went on and hopefully I will today also.  I can always lay down before I get ready.  I have the kids to go to today and a show tonight.  It's amazing how challenging this year has been.  Good Christ it has been challenging.  Okay I am going to make some eggs.  Love you Bluebie bye.