Monday, February 5, 2018

A Mind I Can't Trust

I heard a guy say this last week - holy shit it was last Monday actually.  He said that as an alcoholic he has a different story than someone else about how his life was unmanageable but the powerlessness over alcohol is the same.  He also said he has a mind he can't trust.  So that is this disease right?  A physical malady, spiritual something and a mental obsession.  Ha!  I can't remember the middle part.  I just know it's a physical, mental and spiritual disease.  3 fold!  Great name for a band.  Or not.  WELL ANYWAY.  Mental obsession, spiritual malady and a physical allergy.  Is that it?  Fuck well anyway I have to talk to my sponsor.  They offered me a marijuana card and told me that I could get the kind without THC in it.  This is the thing - I told my sponsor and we talked about it right?  But then we met and she told me that there is only the CBD oil that doesn't have THC in it and I just didn't tell her I already took some during my last chemo.  Why didn't I tell her that?  I feel so weird and shady now.  So whatever I can tell her - I will be honest.  It didn't have THC in it and it didn't get me high - I even have some left.  I just feel weird about not being honest.  Jesus this is tricky.  I have chemo again tomorrow - oh God I am so scared.  It just makes me want to go back to bed.  I have been drinking so much water to try and stay hydrated for my veins.  Okay my computer needs to restart I have to go.  Wish me luck sweet blog - love you.

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