Monday, January 1, 2018
Sunshine.
It's sunny out today and I am sober. I came into the bedroom to write this because it's sunnier in here. I often didn't see the sun when I was drinking. Sometimes I wouldn't get out of bed until 4:00 and then I would need to get high and unwind myself from my hangover. By the time I was ready to go outside and walk my poor dog, it would be dark. Holy shit how awful is that? I don't do that now. I wake up and I get to be awake during the day and that is such a gift. WHY AM I WRITING ON HERE STILL? I don't know some part of me wonders if I am too afraid to write on other platforms - like working on articles or I don't know - anything. I have so enjoyed writing on here and it has helped me track my life and my progress. It also is an interesting experiment in seeing someone's recovery. I was so batshit crazy for so long and I am much better. Am I allowed to say that? Haha. I am a bit better that's for sure. Even with the cancer I am a completely different person. so now what? What am I doing? I have a show tonight and I need to write for that but I came here first. This is really just an online journal now - which is fine but I am passed where I NEED to write on here - where I have to have the safe haven to get the crazy out of my head. I write in my journal almost everyday too. I don't know - maybe it's time to wrap up this project. It's been a solid 7 years. Maybe it's time to come out of the dark. Start a new blog where I am public. Public about what? Ha that just mad me laugh. The guy bought a foot stool or I don't know what you call it but a sitting stool and it's underneath the mirror in our bedroom and that's what I am sitting on right now. I am looking out the window at the sky and the trees - it's so pretty. Pretty, clear blue sky and the tree right outside the window has red leaves on it still somehow. It's freezing today - 19 degrees. Well it's freezing for here. It could be colder for sure! I have to work on my comedy. Love you Bluebie bye.
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