Friday, January 12, 2018

Discomfort....

I find the longer I stay sober and the healthier I get the more I have to be comfortable with discomfort.  I think normal people know how to be uncomfortable and I just can't take it.  When I was drinking I could never take a shower because I couldn't stand being uncomfortable and naked long enough to be comfortable in and then out of the shower.  I don't like to be too hot or too cold or anything other than just right.  It makes doing things that are healthy extremely challenging.  Oh for fuck's sake what am I trying to say?  So much of life is UNCOMFORTABLE.  Doing the dishes after eating?  Uncomfortable.  Waiting 3 days to do them - gross.  Eating vegetables?  Uncomfortable.  Only eating shitty food?  So delicious for 2 days and then it's gross.  Right now I need to sit so much.  Sit and wait.  Wait while poison drips in me that will save my life.  Wait while I heal from the poison.  Wait and rest because the poison takes my energy.  Wait.  Just wait.  Waiting is uncomfortable.  I'm waiting right now for the guy to take me to a meeting and it's uncomfortable.  I'm not even sure why.  I guess because I can't just put on my pajamas and pack it in for the night.  Anyway now I tell myself to just let myself be uncomfortable.  Be cold for 2 minutes and take that shower that will change my whole day and make it better.  Eat those veggies and help my poor body that's already struggling......breathe.....be calm and breathe.  Just sit here and wait and breathe and wait.  So fucking uncomfortable. 

1 comment:

  1. I'm in al-anon and probs should be in AA. I'm enjoying reading your journey. Thank you.

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