Sunshine.

It's sunny out today and I am sober.  I came into the bedroom to write this because it's sunnier in here.  I often didn't see the sun when I was drinking.  Sometimes I wouldn't get out of bed until 4:00 and then I would need to get high and unwind myself from my hangover.  By the time I was ready to go outside and walk my poor dog, it would be dark.  Holy shit how awful is that?  I don't do that now.  I wake up and I get to be awake during the day and that is such a gift.  WHY AM I WRITING ON HERE STILL?  I don't know some part of me wonders if I am too afraid to write on other platforms - like working on articles or I don't know - anything.  I have so enjoyed writing on here and it has helped me track my life and my progress.  It also is an interesting experiment in seeing someone's recovery.  I was so batshit crazy for so long and I am much better.  Am I allowed to say that?  Haha.  I am a bit better that's for sure.  Even with the cancer I am a completely different person.  so now what?  What am I doing?  I have a show tonight and I need to write for that but I came here first.  This is really just an online journal now - which is fine but I am passed where I NEED to write on here - where I have to have the safe haven to get the crazy out of my head.  I write in my journal almost everyday too.  I don't know - maybe it's time to wrap up this project.  It's been a solid 7 years.  Maybe it's time to come out of the dark.  Start a new blog where I am public.  Public about what?  Ha that just mad me laugh.  The guy bought a foot stool or I don't know what you call it but a sitting stool and it's underneath the mirror in our bedroom and that's what I am sitting on right now.  I am looking out the window at the sky and the trees - it's so pretty.  Pretty, clear blue sky and the tree right outside the window has red leaves on it still somehow.  It's freezing today - 19 degrees.  Well it's freezing for here.  It could be colder for sure!  I have to work on my comedy.  Love you Bluebie bye.