Okay....I changed my mind.

So I got a good night's sleep and just prayed and meditated and now I feel better. I also changed my mind.  I don't want to cheat.  Or I don't want to act on that feeling of cheating.  Anyway - I do get to do comedy and I do get to write sometimes.  Right now Im just in a slower place that's all.  I am in it - maybe not at the level I want to be but I am in it.  So I changed my mind.  Im doing great.  Also Im not sure how to not feel all the shame and humiliation I have around how much I hate that fucking twat I work with now - but I guess I will figure it out.  I don't like her and I don't like her energy and my therapist said that it the best absolute most amazing reaction to have to her and Im going to try to remember that.  She said (my therapist) that it would be crazy if I liked her - if I liked the way she was or if I didn't have the reactions I was having.  Isnt that so sweet?  I mean of my therapist.  Fuck that diaper wearing narcissist douche tray.  Fuck her!  Im having exactly the right reaction and Im PROUD of myself for it!!!  What?  Jesus Christ - 13 years of therapy and I can finally pay my ConEd bill on time and I can be remotely nice to myself for not liking someone who is aggressively unbearable.  Ha!  Or not ha I don't know.  Hauum.  Love you Bluebie bye.