Hmmm - okay.

So I spent all day organizing my bills, paying my bills and talking to program people about Grabby McGrabberson at my new job.  Basically I need to tell her to please not grab me.  That's all, plain and simple.  Say it with kindness - keep it about myself and how I find it difficult to be grabbed, slapped, hugged, shoved - scratched, talked to in my face etc.  I wont even say the part how I believe for 90% of the population this is probably also true - I will just say for me - it's too jarring.  So can I do this without making myself into a pussy to make her feel bad?  Im not sure if I will be able to not be self-deprecating.  Well you know what?  I can certainly try.  I went to class and it was great, got myself some groceries and came home.  Class was wonderful.  I have no idea what Im doing except this - it's all different now - that's it!  I have been trying so hard to work from my past somehow and it's done.  It's not working - the art isn't coming through me and it's just time to go in a completely different direction.  So that feels good.  Back to the drawing board.  I applied to a festival and I didn't get in and honestly (well Im not totally sure but no one is answering me and it starts in like 2 weeks) Im so happy.  I have no idea who I am onstage or what Im doing and I need to work on that now.  AND - and Im going to be moving December 1st.  Or at least that's the plan anyway.  YIKES.  Sigh - an end of an era.  Ive lived here for 17 years.  It's going to be great.  Scary but great.  I think a new job and moving is enough for me to focus on in November - so it's great about the festival but HELLO - did they even watch my tape because it was awesome.  Gotta sleep - love you Bluebie bye.