Good lord.

Well we went to Nantucket for the weekend - in the middle of a hurricane - and it was crazy.  We couldn't get off the Island and had to stay and extra night and take one of those teeny tiny little planes at 6 in the morning yesterday.  It was totally fun and the wedding was unbelievably beautiful but today and yesterday for that matter I am a mess.  I miss my old job or at least all the time I had at it to do things.  I miss that SO much.  Im beginning to really believe this new one is not going to work out - it's too crazy and I have no time to get anything done and it's less money.  But also - Im a mess and I barely have time to go to meetings.  I stayed here all day.  I hurt my leg yesterday on the treadmill and I just could not go get on the subway and tromp around this city.  I could NOT do it.  So here I stayed - that's it.  Im exhausted and dry - I need  a meeting.  I just listened to an alanon meeting.  Who am I?  I have pms - I mean I really do so why am I even writing all this?  I just need to be nice to myself, let my leg heal tonight and do the best I can do tomorrow.  Im not looking forward to spending the day there and you know what?  If it's too much I can leave - that's it!  It's so simple and easy.  Im really going to just trust that everything will be okay even though I cant figure anything out right now.  I have food, clean clothes and I have enough time to get a good night's sleep.  Im scared and everything is turned upside down but it's okay.  I love my guy - we had so much fun over the weekend even if it was crazy.  He dances with me even though he dances somewhat like Elaine from Seinfeld.  I mean it's the cutest thing you have ever seen I swear.  How sweet is it that he's self-conscious of his dancing but he does it anyway because I love to dance so much and he wants to have fun with me?  And he's taking a chance and risking putting himself out there to get better?  Are you kidding me?  It's so sweet I can't even take it.  It just makes me love him so much.  Im still fucking terrified of this whole thing but - he's just so sweet and loving.  And fun!  Come on.  Okay well at least I got to be here tonight and write on here - that's awesome right?  Oh dear GOD - help me make it through this day of work.  Let it be okay.  If it's not then at least let me not react to it. Haha - okay - I will do a lot of going to the bathroom and breathing.  Amen.  Love you Bluebie bye.