Oh BOY.

Jeez - well yesterday I had some sort of implosion.  By the time I left the store I was angry and filled with rage and - not good.  I couldn't shake it off - even after therapy and a meeting.  I finally ate Cheetos, an ice cream sandwich, watched New Girl and then slept 9 hours and then prayed and meditated for well over an hour this morning and I feel better.  Well - so I feel better and now I need to get out of my pajamas and get up and at 'em.  I don't know about anyone else but I need time alone.  That's all there is to it.  But now I need to get out there and back into the world.  Jesus - I was taking myself VERY seriously last night.  Can you imagine adding drugs and alcohol to that?  That's what I used to do.  Get angry - filled with rage and then just dump lighter fluid on top of it.  It wasn't always like that - sometimes it was fun and crazy - I would feel relief and feel better.  But at the end of it - I was always just relighting the rage - silently stewing in my own pot of hatred.  What???  OMG - could I be more melodramatic right now?  Well it's true though.  I'm so sad I wasted that time - wasted my joy - wasted my light.  WELL I DON'T HAVE TO ANYMORE - and these programs help give me the tools to not do that anymore.  How was this so exhausting to write?  Haaaa - sigh.  I need to go in the park and get some fresh air.  My love to you my sweetest, sturdiest Bluebie!!!  Byeeeee!!