Oh my God - I'm NUTS.

I am basically freaking out - holy fuck.  I am suddenly thinking that it is so fucking crazy that I am going across country with this man.  I don't know - or I am just scared to travel or scared to move forward or just scared.  I am at the store - I was so fucking late today - there were no trains - I had to take the bus then get on the train and then I was so lost in my book that I went 5 stops past my stop.  What even is that???  I had to take the bus downtown to the local train - which I think went express to the uptown local - to the crosstown bus.  WHAAAATTTT???  Oh my God - and now I'm here and I was an hour late - which is probably a miracle considering how I had to get here.  They asked me to waitress tonight someplace and I already have plans to go see my guy so I can't but I was so tempted to say yes - or to say I would do it in the future.  I didn't though.  I can't believe how hard it is to even get away from the mindset of it.  Oh boy.  Also - what am I doing with my life?  I'm really suddenly very lost and confused.  I mean that's what people think of me as - as a waitress.  He's not asking me to do comedy - he's asking me to waitress.  Ugh - and I could do it and I would be good at it.  I don't know that about comedy.  OR DO I???  Oh Dear LORD.  Also I just feel - lonely?  Okay - some lady just came in and was so annoying I wanted to kill her.  I really need to do something but what?  Gotta go love you Bluebie bye.