TGIS

Thank God it's Saturday right?  I'm so tired.  But I'm okay and better than I was last night.  I went out with some girlfriends and one of them was not liking me and instead of stearing clear of her I just kept getting in there, trying to people please and GET HER TO LOVE me the way I wanted her too.  It did not happen and once again I couldn't sleep last night.  Ugh!  However I did go to alanon and stayed for the business meeting and then went and did step-work with a sponsee and that really helped.  So then I ran a quick errand and came home and took care of myself.  I'm drinking a nice tea and organizing myself.  I have some real issues with being entwined with other people emotionally even when THEY ARENT THERE.  What the fuck?  Well anyway it's okay and I really do see it's my stuff but holy fuck it's exhausting.  I deserve to sleep.  My guy says these people bother me because I don't feel good about myself so when someone looks at me like I'm a piece of shit or says something cunty to me I think to myself "SEE I KNEW IT!  THEY KNOW!  THEY KNOW THE TRUTH - THAT CUNT BAG RIGHT THERE KNOWS IM AWFUL!!!  SHES SEES THE REAL MEEEEEEEE!"  Okay yeah that's healthy.  That's realistic.  THATS HORRIBLE.  I'm not saying the woman last night was a cunt bag - she wasn't.  She just wasn't liking me for some reason and that was that.  IT HAPPENS.  It's not fun but Jesus - it's okay!  Who cares!  I don't like people sometimes and sometimes I can't talk to people because they smell!  That's it!  This seems so stupid right now it really does.  I'm going to meditate for a few mins.  Love you Bluebie bye.