Monday, January 14, 2019

Trust My Celery Juice Self

I am juicing celery juice every morning.  It tastes pretty refreshing but it's SO LOUD.  I am using the Ninja because I don't have a juicer - they cost a million dollars.  So I use the single Ninja thing to blend the celery and then put it through a strainer.  It's definitely straining (in addition to the juice) my alanon/people-pleasing issues since it's loud.  I believe in it though so I am doing it.  I don't wake up too early and I think the guy that lives below us actually gets up earlier.  Anyway I am going to keep doing it.  I meditated this morning and thought about how even though the guy was gone yesterday - I really took care of myself.  I ate healthy, went to AA & alanon.  Got some healthy groceries, came home and cooked more.  Did the dishes even!!  It often feels like he is the one guiding us to do all this healthy stuff but I did it all before him.  Not the dishes.  I never did the dishes - which was gross.  So.  So when I meditated this morning I realized I am beginning to trust myself - I was going to say again but I don't know that I ever fully did.  So.  So okay.  I am so tired.  I am just fighting this cold off & on.  It's okay - I can still calmly go about my day.  I was so embarrassed at alanon last night.  I was sharing and then had this crazy hot flash and turned BEET RED but kept talking even after the bell rang and then TURNED MORE RED.  Is that even possible??  I GUESS SO.  Ha!  This is why writing is good - I feel so much better just making fun of that (in a loving way).  God it's so much work!!!  All of this!!!  I have to call my alanon sponsor.  This is that work that nobody sees you do.  What does it say in the Tao??  Just do the work and show them the results.  Something like that - maybe I can find it hold on......found it!  Side note I just sneezed and peed a little bit 5 times.  Fun!  Okay here it is - it's number 36 and at the end of the "poem" it says "Let your workings remain a mystery.  Just show people the results."  HE KNEW ABOUT AA BEFORE AA!!!  Ha.  Anyway there you go - just show people the results.  Ugh - how annoying.  It feels like one of the only things I am actually doing well (maybe?) and I want people to know!  Is that true?  I don't even think that's true.  I think I just want to write and express myself and this is one of the things I do a lot and we write what we know - right?  That's okay - I can write about it here.  I'm going to run a half marathon.  So I need to get to work on that.  I'm doing good - so far I can run 1.3 miles.  HAHA!!  Well okay it's a challenge!  Love you Bluebie byeeee.

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