Monday, October 15, 2018
It's Monday and I am alive and well - basically. I am healing from the biopsy and I finally started jogging again - yesterday we went outside which was great. Today I will start yoga again and I started eating healthy again. He says in the book - his name is Raymond Francis - that we should avoid the big 4 - at least in America - wheat, dairy, sugar and processed oils/excess animal protein. GOD THAT'S SO HARD. Last night I had shows and one was by this pizza place, it's a famous place and it's usually totally packed with a line out the door down the street. Well last night it was quiet so I went in and looked at the pizza, asked some questions, somehow got myself to leave and then THOUGHT ABOUT THAT PIZZA THE WHOLE TIME I WAS AT THE SHOW. Dear GOD. Honestly it's not even like once in awhile I can't have the pizza or whatever but my problem is once I start it opens a flood gate so I just have to basically stay away from it. I came home after the shows and made myself sweet potato fries (from scratch oven baked) with olive oil, garlic and fresh rosemary. Then I made a chipotle, garlic mayo (fresh no sugar) and dipped them in that. It wasn't pizza but it was really yummy. UGH. Anyway who the fuck am I? I don't know but I want to live so I have to make my own food and just try to stay away from the crap. Also it's expensive and I don't have any money - any extra money anyway. So I am trying to audition for something and I need clean material - very hard for me. I'm not super dirty but I'm not super clean. It's a REALLY short audition. I just have to think about it. I forgot to call my alanon sponsor this morning. My brain is a little fried from the chemo. God only 2 more months of it. I don't even want to go ever again. I have to go tomorrow. How am I going to do it??? Should I do it? Hasn't it been enough already? It's been almost an entire year of chemotherapy plus radiation for 5 weeks. Good Lord. Alright well I have lots of things to do, go to the bank and go work with the kids then my meeting and service. Love you Bluebie byeeeee.