Saturday, February 18, 2017
I made a mistake and mixed up the numbers of my days last post so I just fixed it. I wonder if I have done that before. HOLY SHIT I HAVENT WRITTEN FOR SO LONG!!! Wow I have been busy. I have had a fair amount of auditions, some call-backs and a few shows a week. With the tutoring it has taken up my days. Plus the guy. I am feeling better. I have been taking the holistic stuff the holistic doctor prescribed to me and well - so I feel a little better. Last weekend the guy and I went away for our anniversary to the water. That was fun and we stayed in this hotel that looked like the shining. Haha it was hilarious. All snowed in and cozy by the water. We bought bathing suits and went swimming and went in the Jacuzzi - it was fun. I was freaking out a little bit the whole time because it is super hard for me to relax even though I'm fucking exhausted all the time. We had a nice time - we travel well together. Today it is sunny and beauuutiful outside! I went to my women's meeting and went to breakfast with the ladies afterwards. I managed to ask for a salad instead of potatoes with my omelet. How do I always spell that fucking word wrong? Omlette is spelled omelet. WOW - OKAY. Anyway so now I have so much to do - I have lines to memorize and writing to do. I'm getting sleepy but I'm not going to nap I'm going to do my work. I booked a job. I'm so terrified to even talk about it but I did. I'm so fucking excited. I'm doing a chemistry read this week and a reading - it's so exciting. So I need to stay calm and do my work so I can be ready to do my shows, the podcast and work on that this week. Okay so I do feel better although I'm obviously still so sad about my father and just missing him like crazy. I didn't realize how much he called me. Oh it's the saddest thing in the world and now I'm crying. I still just keep thinking about what a nice death he had. I feel like God gave him a beautiful death. He had a lovely day with his family and was so excited about his birthday party. He was in a good mood. He went to sleep happy. I just wish I got to say goodbye. But then again how hard is that? For him I mean? Anyway I just try to let myself cry about it and then eat like a gallon of ice cream. No I'm kidding. I just am feeling it. I hate writing this right now what in the fuck am I talking about? I am feeling better but I am still heart broken over losing him so suddenly. One of these days it will just be me remembering the good times right? Okay I have to stop - I feel like I am just writing this and crying to avoid JOGGING. Is that possible?? My subconscious is a lazy fuck. Yuck. Love you bye.