Brain Click.

I had a brain click.  Left side middle of it.  Oh I wonder what part that is - I'm going to look.  Well okay I guess I knew the left side of the brain is the logic side and it doesn't matter anyway - what matters is the click.  I was meditating and my brain started to wander - I started to think about some people.  I started to think negatively about these people.  THEN - then I really started to dig in to one person, really trashing her in my mind and I was going for it.  this by the way is not how I meditate - this is not my go-to for brain cleaning and relaxing - I was wondering off the path so to speak.  OKAY - so I'm really digging in to how and why this person was bad or what and then suddenly I felt this - click - I don't know how else to explain it - in the left middle part of my brain and it felt like something shifting over farther to the left.  As if I could feel the layers of brick in my brain being shifted out of place - to the left in like a zig zag pattern.  If I were reading this I would probably think "OKAY YOU FUCKING NUT BIRD - GET IT TOGETHER."  But - and this is what really counts - I think - it scared me out of the negative thinking and got me back to meditating. I was like "Wow - hole shit I have wasted hours, days and years of my life thinking negatively about different people and situations and IT HURTS MY BRAIN or at least it grooves it in a way I don't want it grooved."  I don't know.  It blew my mind.  I thought it was such a physical manifestation in my fucking HEAD telling me to stop being such a negatively thinking a-hole especially while I'm meditating.  Okay now it's 5 hours later after I started to write this.  I jogged on the treadmill, ate pizza with the guy and watched a movie.  I have to get up at 3:15 a.m. to go do extra work.  Whoa.  Anyway I don't want to have that brain click again so I'm really steering away from having such super negative, toxic thoughts about people.  I wonder who I will become since that is what occupies like 85% of my brain power.  Anywhooo gotta go to bed - love you Bluebie bye.