Now. I never used to take showers. I always thought it was because I felt vulnerable when I was naked and cold trying to warm up in the shower....but I think it was just my inability to parent myself well. So anyway I don't feel well today but I took a shower and put on clean clothes. I even put on mascara! And you know what? I might not feel well but if I was in dirty clothes with dirty hair - I would feel worse. Is it possible I don't need to take so many showers now? That maybe none of us do? I don't know. All I do know is now that I take a shower everyday, I wake up and look at myself and I think "How the fuck did I not take showers all the time before this? I LOOK FUCKING NUTS." I mean I just got up - put on some clothes and fucking got high and REFUSED to do more than that. Out the door I would go with an angry bun on my head and face the day high as fuck and miserable as fuck too. Lord. LORD. So anyway yeah - I don't feel great today but I have taken care of myself, ran some errands, and took care of myself in a lot of other ways. I am feeling the void of so many changes in my life - I really am - but what can I do? I closed a lot of doors so some other ones would open and they haven't opened yet. Maybe they never will! But I couldn't stay in those other rooms anymore and that, is mother-fucking that.
Okay byeeee.
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