Hmmmm. Suspicious.
If you want to know a crazy person - go to any AA meeting and talk to an alcoholic who is in major transition in their life because they will be BONKERS. Listen I am nuts right now and the world is also INSANE so it is compounded somewhat - my nustsoness. However my thoughts are - well - just old.
They are just old thoughts, old "tapes" as they say. It's nothing new - I just haven't had a lot of them for awhile so I forgot how uncomfortable it feels to have them and how SUDDUCTIVE they are - holy fuck. It's like my brain thinks these thoughts are the most intriguing and FASCINATING thoughts to think. My brain is like "Get in there! Dig AROOUUUUUND - figure it out. You can do it - go there - gooooo to those thoughts and memories and feelings and just BASK IN THEIR GLOW OF FUCKING miseryyyyyyy! Eat it! Eat the misery! Dine on your fucking insanity! Then GET DESSERT BY GOING ON SOCIAL MEDIA."
So I have decided to write on here instead. I won't go looking and I won't get dessert. I jogged today and I refuse to get ill or fat from dessert even though what I am talking about is really social media.
So. So here I am on Day 2 of my brand new life and well wait - some stuff is different....for example - I took a shower today. Everyday! I also drank tea. And I have still had only 1/3 the amount of coffee I used to have. I have on clean clothes. I am in my office - so I have been using my office - I come in here all the time! I ate vegetables. I ran errands and I asked my higher power for help. I meditated. I ate fruit. Um - you know what? This is enough. I am going to take a time out and meditate again. Center myself again and just - let go. It's Friday. I can get back to it all tomorrow and just exhale right now. Enjoy this quieter time of evening. Drop my shoulders and drink some more tea.
Love you Bluebie byeee.
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