My Mind

I have a powerful mind....dare I say brain.....and when I use it well I see powerful results.  So now, now I want to use my mind well and IT IS SO HARD.  It must be what people feel like who have never exercised!  My brain is just hard wired for negativity!  That being said - I LOVE A CHALLENGE.  I really do.  I mother-fucking LOVE a challenge.  So that's good because holy fuck this is one.  My friend sent me a pamphlet about taking a mental diet and it has blown my fucking mind.  I just am so keenly aware right now that if I continue to have the same thoughts and attitudes this cancer will come back and maybe already is back.  HOWEVER it doesn't have to stay.  I believe that.  I feel like once again in my life I am at a fork in the road.  Jesus I just wrote fork and then instantly thought to myself "yum food fork I love food cake fork for cake yum."  OKAY.  SO.  HE suggests in the book really thinking about taking the mental diet before you take it so I am thinking about it.  Sort of like what I had to do to get ready for the Whole 30 diet - I had to change all my condiments and get tons of different staples.  I'm so tired right now.  I had 2 auditions today and therapy.  It's amazing how exhausting it is to sit around waiting for the next audition.  I went to a nice French restaurant and had chicken paillard.  It was delicious - very fresh with fresh veggies.  I love French food.  Then I had a little molten chocolate cake with fresh berries.  I am having a hard time staying away from the sugar.  But you know what?  IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD.  Balance.  Happiness.  Joy.  Positive thoughts and cake.  On a very positive note I have been jogging a fair amount.  Where do I find the doctor who will tell me it's okay to eat some cake?  Honestly and maybe I am lying to myself but it feels like it would be healthier for me to eat a little cake and be really positive then to eat a perfect diet but be angry as fuck.  So yeah.  But maybe once a month cake.  I also had a milky way last night.  I felt sick by the end of it. Haha that made me laugh - BLOG CONFESSIONS - so dramatic!  I did feel sick though yikes.  I have to go make dinner - we are having salmon and asparagus - I can't wait - xoxoxo