Saturday, November 11, 2017
Well I started the chemo and the treatment itself was long but fairly mellow. I felt fine the next day, went back for a shot and then have felt fairly sick each day since then although it seems to be lessening. Oh I got sick the first night! I was so nauseas. I can finally fucking spell the word nauseas. I wasn't sure how to take the nausea meds and so I felt sick to my stomach for way longer than I needed to that night but the next day I was fine. Anyway the moral to this story is take your nausea meds. Take them all, take them together and just fucking take them. I got my hair shaved yesterday - that was emotional. I have a super cute, dykey little haircut and it also says "fuck cancer" on the back of my head. So that was fun! I went today and got a wig - a really nice one and so I feel ready to be bald. It's cold as fuck right now but hopefully it won't be full on so winter and I can go and get some scarves and stuff so I can look cute. I'm at home right now. The guy and I went to the wig place, had lunch and had sex. Gotta keep the love going you know? I feel kind of gross but luckily I am still horny. Go figure. It's sunny out today so that's nice. My mom and my sister came with me yesterday - it was so sweet. So sweet, loving and supportive. I have so much to do but honestly I am exhausted. I had a show last night - that was super fun. Packed club - was great. I closed out the show - was really fun. Okay so I am fairly terrified for more treatment - especially since it's only going to get harder.....well maybe not the treatment after this one. What? I am going to stop thinking about it. I have a busy week....more doctor's appointments, more - I have no idea what. I can't really think straight. It's called chemo brain I guess. I feel like I had it before I started chemo - have I written that already!? Okay well I can only do the best I can right? Yes. And be so fucking grateful for how kind and supportive people are being. SO KIND. So SWEET. My sweet mother - oh my fucking God. She just sat there yesterday and smiled and said how nice my head that says FUCK CANCER on it looks. Come on right? The guy too. I can't even barely take it. If you want to see how much people love you - get cancer. You will see. You will fucking see how loved you are. But I hope you don't get cancer. I hope you can realize it without that.