Saturday, November 11, 2017

Day 2991.

Well I started the chemo and the treatment itself was long but fairly mellow.  I felt fine the next day, went back for a shot and then have felt fairly sick each day since then although it seems to be lessening.  Oh I got sick the first night!  I was so nauseas.  I can finally fucking spell the word nauseas.  I wasn't sure how to take the nausea meds and so I felt sick to my stomach for way longer than I needed to that night but the next day I was fine.  Anyway the moral to this story is take your nausea meds.  Take them all, take them together and just fucking take them.  I got my hair shaved yesterday - that was emotional.  I have a super cute, dykey little haircut and it also says "fuck cancer" on the back of my head.  So that was fun!  I went today and got a wig - a really nice one and so I feel ready to be bald.  It's cold as fuck right now but hopefully it won't be full on so winter and I can go and get some scarves and stuff so I can look cute.  I'm at home right now.  The guy and I went to the wig place, had lunch and had sex.  Gotta keep the love going you know?  I feel kind of gross but luckily I am still horny.  Go figure.  It's sunny out today so that's nice.  My mom and my sister came with me yesterday - it was so sweet.  So sweet, loving and supportive.  I have so much to do but honestly I am exhausted.  I had a show last night - that was super fun.  Packed club - was great.  I closed out the show - was really fun.  Okay so I am fairly terrified for more treatment - especially since it's only going to get harder.....well maybe not the treatment after this one.  What?  I am going to stop thinking about it.  I have a busy week....more doctor's appointments, more - I have no idea what.  I can't really think straight.  It's called chemo brain I guess.  I feel like I had it before I started chemo - have I written that already!?  Okay well I can only do the best I can right?  Yes.  And be so fucking grateful for how kind and supportive people are being.  SO KIND.  So SWEET.  My sweet mother - oh my fucking God.  She just sat there yesterday and smiled and said how nice my head that says FUCK CANCER on it looks.  Come on right?  The guy too.  I can't even barely take it.  If you want to see how much people love you - get cancer.  You will see.  You will fucking see how loved you are.  But I hope you don't get cancer.  I hope you can realize it without that. 

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