Saturday, August 12, 2017
Well I am finally not feeling well. I mean I'm home sick on the couch. I guess it all finally caught up with me and the reality of this has hit me and I'm not feeling well. I don't know what happened yesterday but I took those kids to the pool and wasn't feeling that great - I have been so tired all week. I know this sounds insane since I have the Circumstance and so of course I wouldn't feel well but just bear with me....I was so tired all week from not sleeping right because the guy's back was fucked up. I just thought I was tired and overwhelmed - well it turns out I just ran myself down and by the time I dropped those kids off at tennis I did not feel good. My throat had started to hurt and I was DONE. Also I found out I didn't get the commercial - the one where they LOVED me and said I was A STAR. Haha - no one even called me - I had to ask. Ugh - I'm over it today but yesterday it just hurt my feelings and was disappointing. Yuck I don't even like writing it - who gives a flying fuck but the point is I didn't feel good. I came home and sat on the couch and watched New Girl and 30 Rock for 4 hours. I drank shitloads of water and really took care of myself and I still woke up not feeling well so I stayed here and here I stay. I prayed, meditated, took a detox bath, listened to an Alanon meeting, talked to a friend. I also have been taking all of the stuff the Snake Doctor gave me which is probably another reason I'm sick - I think I am detoxing. I can't even imagine that I would have more detoxing to do but I GUESS SO. Oh I also cried - I cried A LOT. How much fun am I right now? MY head is clogged and I just feel flu like. It sucks - that's all and it's supposed to suck and I am letting myself stay home and not feel good. I'm over it. I mean trying to push myself when I feel AWFUL. No is a full length sentence. That's not the saying. No is a complete sentence? I have no idea. Just no - no I can't leave - I don't want to be stressed out - I feel disgusting no. Who am I arguing with? Myself I guess. I had to take 2 Advil because my head is pounding. My whole left side of my body is fucked up. My tooth, the roof of my mouth, my left knee, my left breast - even my lower left back. The feminine side. I'm too tired to try and figure out what that means or what to do about it - I'm going to lay down. Bye.