Choice.

I have a choice right now - I think - on how I want to deal with this Circumstance.  Is it annoying I'm calling it that?  Is it annoying I'm asking that?  Ha that just made me laugh.  Anyway you know mentally and spiritually I have a choice.  IS this an opportunity?  A challenge?  I don't know - is this - dare I say - a positive thing?  I don't fucking know.  If I am a co-creator with god and the Universe it's whatever I want it to be I guess.  There have been lots of people so far who have said THINK POSITIVE and I wanted to punch them in the face.  Then one woman - I don't know why just said to think positive, to try to think positive and that she doesn't have tie to let it take her down and I don't know why but it made me feel better.  This is what Louis L. Hay says about Circumstance of The Beasts......"Deep hurt.  Longstanding resentment.  Deep secret or grief eating away at the self.  Carrying hatreds.  What's the use?"  YIKES RIGHT!?  So that's the metaphysical (I think) reason for The Breast Circumstance and the mantra you (me) are supposed to say is "I lovingly forgive and release all of the past.  I choose to fill my world with joy.  I love and approve of myself."  Sigh.  Okay.  I have a stereotactic biopsy yesterday....they put your boob in a mammogram and then do a biopsy and it hurt so bad I yelled.  I was shaking like a leaf.  The Novocain didn't work for some reason.  The crazy part was once the pain was over I was okay spiritually.  It really fucking hurt - worse than anything I can remember feeling - physically but it didn't wound my soul.  So fucking weird.  Anyway I have made a crazy realization that many of the resentments I carry are from people who I FEEL (I'm not saying they did - who the fuck knows) told me I was wrong - AS A BEING ON THIS PLANET.  So.  So okay and so what?  So now I'm in today and here I am.  I have The Breast Circumstance and a bunch of resentments that have confirmed my feeling of low worth.  LOOOOOW.  So what?  It's a mess I can clean up if I want to or not.  What do I want to do?  I have a choice.  We always have a choice even though it doesn't seem like it.  What's the lighter brighter kinder choice?  If I was reading this I think I would think "What choice?  GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT!!!"  Anyway my computer is about to restart!  Love you Bluebie bye.