Tuesday, November 15, 2016

A Moment To Reflect Positively.

I'm not sure but I don't think I often do this.  Take a moment to recognize how much things have changed in a positive way.  As I type this I am thinking NOOOOOOOO - but - it's true.  Today would have been my 11th wedding anniversary.  but it's not because I was lucky enough to have that marriage not work out.  Now I am in love with a beautiful, kind man who loves the person I really am.  How lucky am I?  I was in such a crazy place 11 years ago.  It could have worked!  It could have been wonderful but it wasn't meant to be.  It was a rebound.  It was an impulse and a thought and it wasn't truly from my heart.  I feel like that's the difference for everything.  Is it from my heart?  Yes?  Okay go for it.  Otherwise - maybe stop and reaaaally think about it - hard.  Now I live with the this guy and I'm SOBER.  I'm not destroying myself on a daily basis with drugs and alcohol.  How amazing is that?  I don't know.  I don't want to write to much about how much things have changed but they have and I'm so grateful.  Lately I have been trying to tell myself when I regret the past and get in my head about how "That never would have happened if that hadn't happened and then that wouldn't had happened and if I only could have...."  I tell myself that everything happened exactly the way it was supposed to.  That everything was EXACTY the way is was meant to be.  You know I never think this but I hope that he's okay my ex-husband.  I mean he wasn't really a husband - we didn't even fucking know each other.  We were both in pain and trying to fling ourselves into another reality of life.  Ugh.  It's so crazy.  Well.  So.  It's raining right now.  A lot.  It's still early - 10:18 in the morning.  I slept okay last night.  I had crazy dreams about animals and this one adorable kitten.  I think I am just writing on here still because I don't want to do my yoga, get ready and figure out how to navigate this weather.  OKAY.  I CAN DO THIS!!  Right?  Okay love you Bluebie bye.

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