Tuesday, November 15, 2016
A Moment To Reflect Positively.
I'm not sure but I don't think I often do this. Take a moment to recognize how much things have changed in a positive way. As I type this I am thinking NOOOOOOOO - but - it's true. Today would have been my 11th wedding anniversary. but it's not because I was lucky enough to have that marriage not work out. Now I am in love with a beautiful, kind man who loves the person I really am. How lucky am I? I was in such a crazy place 11 years ago. It could have worked! It could have been wonderful but it wasn't meant to be. It was a rebound. It was an impulse and a thought and it wasn't truly from my heart. I feel like that's the difference for everything. Is it from my heart? Yes? Okay go for it. Otherwise - maybe stop and reaaaally think about it - hard. Now I live with the this guy and I'm SOBER. I'm not destroying myself on a daily basis with drugs and alcohol. How amazing is that? I don't know. I don't want to write to much about how much things have changed but they have and I'm so grateful. Lately I have been trying to tell myself when I regret the past and get in my head about how "That never would have happened if that hadn't happened and then that wouldn't had happened and if I only could have...." I tell myself that everything happened exactly the way it was supposed to. That everything was EXACTY the way is was meant to be. You know I never think this but I hope that he's okay my ex-husband. I mean he wasn't really a husband - we didn't even fucking know each other. We were both in pain and trying to fling ourselves into another reality of life. Ugh. It's so crazy. Well. So. It's raining right now. A lot. It's still early - 10:18 in the morning. I slept okay last night. I had crazy dreams about animals and this one adorable kitten. I think I am just writing on here still because I don't want to do my yoga, get ready and figure out how to navigate this weather. OKAY. I CAN DO THIS!! Right? Okay love you Bluebie bye.