Well.......

I went to the Farmer's Market and bought 2 pretty flowered plants for 8 dollars and I went for a job/walk in the park.  The was no hot water AGAIN and I FLIPPED out because I was already freaking out from being dirty - my hair was SO gross.  He fixed it though and I took an amazing shower and washed my hair 3 times.  How did I use to do it?  How did I go DAYS without a shower?  No wonder I used to get so angry.  And the store - how did I sell anything - I look so gross when I don't shower - my hair - I have so much hair it's like a giant sponge on my head - it just ABSORBS the dirt of the city.  Anyway - I dry body brushed too and I do feel better.  The windows are open and it's so sunny and warm today.  I was able to meditate for 35 minutes.  Maybe after this woman calls me back I can do it again.  How did people not bathe in the old days?  They didn't get as dirty - I mean the air was fresher - right?  Um - what?  Sounds good to me.  I'm sad -  I miss the guy.  I miss him but if he were here we would have slept till noon or later - I wouldn't have ate well at all either - I would be making pancakes and sausage right now.......REALLY???  I'm blaming him for my inability to have boundaries around people.  I feel like how I felt when I was 10.  Just gross and sad.  What?  I'm not kidding - just lost and alone.  OMG - really?  I don't know - that's what it seems like at this moment - okay I just laughed a little so that's good.  It's just a rough time but at least I feel better and I feel better because I took care of myself so good.  Okay - I love you Bluebie - Happy Saturday.