I'm in a panic.

That's just all there is to it.  I think I am just - well - I have no idea - I keep feeling panicked about his guy and I have no idea why.  Am I sensing something?  Am I just flared up with my trust issues and if I don't hear from him every 2 minutes I freak out?  Probably yes on some level for a lot of it.  This is where I am supposed to focus on myself, breathe - love myself - be of service to others.  It's 11:11 - let's make a wish.....Okay - also there was a lot of cigarette smoke this morning - I probably feel a little toxic.  Well - you know - I need to go to the bank - why don't I go for a walk and take care of myself.  I guess I'm getting sober in a relationship way but this feels so hard - so impossible.  I feel so crazy and - okay - well - I don't suppose sitting here and thinking about it more is going to help.  It's quiet at the store today so why don't I just take care of myself.  Love you Bluebie bye.  ps I'm finishing reading The Diamond Cutter and it's MIND BLOWING.